“El alma siempre sabe qué debemos hacer para curarse. El reto es silenciar nuestra mente.” ~Caroline Myss
“The soul always know how to heal. The challenge is to silence the mind.” ~Caroline Myss
Caroline Myss Quote – Frase de Caroline Myss
Tag: Healing
Nature, Life, and Writing – What Do They Have In Common? La Naturaleza, La Vida y La Escritura – ¿Qué Tienen En Común?
One of my favorite things to do is to go out and just be in nature! Luckily for me, Northern California is filled with beautiful parks and vast, open spaces as far as the eye can see. I get to take walks in these verdant parks with creeks running right through the middle!
I first became enthralled with this beauty around me as a student at Long Beach State. I’d eat lunch right outside the library (in the quad area) and I loved just being out there and taking in the trees, plants, and flowers. From time to time, I’d treat myself to a trip to the Japanese Gardens- a simply peaceful experience.
The Japanese Gardens at Long Beach State
When I lived in Los Angeles, one of my favorite things to do was to go to a park by my parent’s house and run. After my run, I’d lay down as I cooled off and looked up at the sky and the trees. Time and time again, I was reminded of the amazing patience and intention of nature. A peaceful energy is what I felt in that moment.
“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
As I begin begin my bilingual blog and to write more, I am reminded of that same patience. In my Chapter by Chapter Synopsis post , I refer to this patience in Chapter 8: Gratitude and Patience – The High School Year. I briefly discuss patience as a spiritual lesson that I feel I am meant to learn in this lifetime. Countless experiences have lent themselves to the opportunity to be patient: from being patient with my students to being patient with my own healing. In writing and in life, I have learned to be patient with myself.
“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” ~ St. Francis
If you’re not being patient with yourself and/or your writing, try it. You’ll discover that letting things take their natural course (as nature does) will bring you miracles in your daily life.
What are your experiences with patience? Are you patient when it comes to your own writing? Are you patient with yourself?
La Naturaleza, La Vida y La Escritura – ¿Qué Tienen En Común?
Unas de mis cosas favoritas de hacer es estar afuera en la naturaleza. Afortunadamente, el norte de California está lleno de hermosos parques y espacios abiertos extensos hasta donde llega la vista. !Tengo la oportunidad de pasear por estos parques verdes con arroyos corriendo por el centro!
La primera vez que me cautivó esta belleza que me rodeaba fue cuando era estudiante en la Universad Estatal de Long Beach. Me gustaba almorzar afuera de la bibliotica (en la area del campo) y me encantaba ver los árboles, plantas y flores. De vez en cuando, me daba el gusto e iba a los Jardines Japonenses-una experiencia simplemente tranquila.
Los Jardines Japoneses en la Universidad Estatal de Long Beach
Cuando vivía en Los Ángeles, me gustaba ir a un parque cerca de la casa de mis padres para correr. Después de correr, me acostaba y miraba el cielo y los árboles. Una y otra vez, me recordaba de la paciencia asombrosa y la intención de la naturaleza. Una energía llena de paz es lo que sentía en ese momento.
“Adopte el ritmo de la naturaleza; su secreto es la paciencia.” ~ ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Con este blog bilingüe y con mi escritura, me acuerdo de esa misma paciencia. En una entrada de este blog – (Chapter by Chapter Synopsis) 0 Los Resúmenes de los Capítulos (Capítulo 8 – Agradecimiento y Paciencia – Un Año en la Preparatoria) de mi libro (memoria) hablo acerca de la paciencia como una leccíon espiritual que siento que estoy destinada a aprender en esta vida. Un sin número de experiencias y oportunidades se me han dado para practicar la paciencia: de ser paciente con mis alumnos a ser paciente con mi propia sanación. En la escritura y en mi vida, he aprendido de ser paciente conmigo misma.
“Ten paciencia con todas las cosas, pero sobre todo contigo mismo.” ~San Francisco de Sales
Si no tienes paciencia contigo mismo y/o tu escritura, inténtalo. Te darás cuenta que al dejar que las cosas sigan su curso natural (como lo hace la naturaleza) te traerá milagros en tu vida cotidiana.
¿Qué han sido tus experiencias con la paciencia? ¿Eres paciente con tu escritura? ¿Eres paciente contigo mismo?
A Return to Love – Healing After a Divorce
“I don’t know what it means to heal emotionally, but I am doing it.” This is a promise I made to myself. I would mend my broken heart. A second promise came right after. I would also not date while I was going through my divorce ordeal. And this why…
Divorce Statistics
When I was in a divorce support group, my counselor had told us (the members) that about 50% of first marriages end in divorce in the U.S. That percentage goes to about 68% in second marriages and it jumps to about 75% if you remarry for the third time. This got me thinking. Why is this happening?
One Possible Answer
The Beatles said it perfectly with their song, All You Need Is Love. While a divorce is an emotional death and the main circumstance surrounded it is the loss of love, then it follows that to become well we need to return to love.
Healing is a return to love.
I believe that the divorce statistics are on the higher end because people do not take the time to heal, and others find it quite difficult to forgive their partners. This was the most important step for me to begin to heal. The old adage is true- “a divorce can be messy”. Emotions are running high and thoughts of revenge cross your mind. I would know. It happened to me. Given these circumstances, it is perhaps why divorcees find comfort in the arms of another person (as I did before I was married) and this may also happen for various reasons.
Is this true healing?
Perhaps, for some it may be. For me, it was essential to “work” on myself. Who was Liz? I had lost myself in my marriage and I needed to reestablish my identity as a newly single person, and more importantly, to find myself.
At the very least, your world is turned upside down and what you once knew as “life” is no longer there.
From waking up with your husband every morning, to the morning goodbye kiss, to talking and texting throughout the day, to going to your favorite sushi restaurant, to the good night kiss. Therefore,a new relationship right after a separation could perhaps not be the best solution. In one of my counseling sessions, my counselor made it very clear to me. “Dating right after separation and into the divorce is like putting a band-aid on a very large physical wound,” she said.” “It just won’t do.”
credit: Abqjournalsage.com
In Confusion, You Find Clarity
I never understood the statement “In confusion, you find clarity.” That is, until the other day. In the midst of confusion, I felt empty and hopeless. All I could do was pray and ask God for help and guidance in my life.
Needless to say, I was a hot mess as a good friend of mine says.
Doing the emotional work and reflecting on this matter brought clarity into my life. As I look back, I began to understand why all this was happening to me and I was beginning to feel better.
The Last Word on Healing…
I liken the healing experience to the pruning of rose bushes. Just like we need to be “stripped” emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to get to healing, rosebushes need to be pruned for reasons like to maintain their shape and to give us new blooms. In a mysterious way, rosebushes heal too.
And remember, if you can heal physically, then you can heal emotionally too.
What are your experiences with healing? Have you healed from a divorce?
Looking Within: A Memoir – Overview
I am towards the end of finishing up my book proposal and it has been quite the experience! Writing the overview has helped me focus more and get a better feel for what I am trying to convey here. Being that it is a memoir, an outline would not be necessary , but the overview (that I am about to share), I think, served the purpose of the outline and made my writing easier to work with.
Here is the overview of my memoir: Looking Within: A Memoir.
Overview
The manuscript will be divided into 4 parts.
1. Part I: The Meeting And Marriage. Many women are in enamored with the idea of getting married and living happily ever after. I was one of them. Shortly after meeting my ex-husband, we were married. While I was married, I was second in my life as he was the center of my universe. Needless to say, the honeymoon didn’t last as reality set in and love and nurturance became absent in our marriage. Problems ensued and a separation seemed imminent.
A chapter will be devoted to this first part.
2. Part II. Emotional Healing. Shortly after the problems began, I withdrew emotionally and sought individual counseling. Slowly, I began to heal emotionally and I eventually I separated from him. All alone, I began to nurture my spirit as best I could. Soul searching and a return to my passions of learning, traveling, running, and writing became part of my recovery. This emotional healing part encompasses four sections that include emotional detachment, the separation, self-nurturance, and more changes that were in store for me.
A chapter will be devoted to each of the sections in part two.
3. Part III. Spiritual Healing. Spiritual healing eventually replaced my emotional healing. Changes in my beliefs and a series of unexplained events began happening to me such as moments of peace and an increase in intuitive abilities. As I began to awaken spiritually, I began to understand that my problems were mere illusions. In time, I began to practice spiritual principles of compassion, kindness, patience, and gratitude, among others , and I simply became happier.
A chapter will be devoted to each of the sections listed in part three.
4. Part IV. My Purpose in Life. I started to live in the present moment and the consistent peace that I longed for, as well as happy life, awaited me. After endless questioning, I found both my inner and outer purpose. I began to co-create my life as I intended it to be and found joy and miracles in my everyday life.
A chapter will be devoted to this section in this part.
I’d love to hear what you think!
Chapter By Chapter Synopsis of My Memoir
CHAPTER-BY-CHAPTER SYNOPSIS
LOOKING WITHIN: A MEMOIR
One Woman’s Search for Her Truth and the Spiritual Awakening that Resulted
Elizabeth Cárdenas
Part One: The Meeting
Chapter 1: Love at First Sound
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” ~Jane Austen
This first chapter explains how I met my ex-husband. He was a musician and I was mesmerized when I saw and heard him play for the first time. Having met him would not be a coincidence. I go throughout my “picture perfect” marriage to the problems that arose in the last couple of years. Throughout my marriage, I put him first, and I put myself second. Writing has been a passion of mine since I was a little girl, yet I didn’t do it during my marriage. In fact, no passions of mine would come to the surface when I was married. Growing up in a Mexican household, I saw my mother do everything for my father, and I would imitate this when I became a wife. A “good wife” was supposed to clean, cook, serve her husband, do the laundry and iron for him, etc. I did all that and much more. Needless to say, problems arose and I became resentful.
Part Two: Emotional Healing
Chapter 2: Detachment
“Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” ~Winston Churchill
This chapter discusses my emotional detachment from my ex-husband. Guilt, shame, and depression set in, but thankfully, I met one of my angels on Earth: my counselor Christina. I began counseling on my own. I discuss the stages of grief as my counselor had pointed this out to me: denial, resentment and anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and I apply them to my experience. Although my healing began as emotional healing, something very special was happening. Something unexplainable as I started dream and my dreams in many ways came true and made me even feel peace. Amidst all this pain, I was able to find hope. Nevertheless, the pain outweighed my peace at the time and the result was extreme disillusionment of my marriage. Divorce was inevitable and it was only a matter of time before I filed for it.
Chapter 3: Alone Again
“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
This chapter begins with the divorce papers being served to my ex-husband and separated from him, I found myself alone again. All throughout this time, I questioned why this had happened and I questioned my existence. With a plethora of questions and no answers, I even questioned God. “Why would You do this to me?”, I’d ask Him. Briefly, I discuss my religion, Catholicism, and the role it played in my life during this time and I how I also questioned it. Although the pain continued, I had more for better days. Counseling and my divorce support group helped me tremendously, and for the first time, I learned about emotional healing in one of my counseling sessions. That day, I made the conscious decision to heal emotionally and I would keep my promise. The chapter ends with a return to love as I began to love myself again and slowly began to have glimpses of happy moments. I put my faith and trust in God with all this.
Chapter 4: A Well Deserved Break
“Fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” ~Dale Carnegie
About 4 months after the separation, I came across Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I read it and thought, “I could do something like that.” After working nine years as a first grade teacher, I deserved a break. Nurturance of my spirit was in order and it was during this time that I yearned to learn about music and to play piano. I took a Classical music class and a piano class at East Los Angeles College. Exhausted and burnt out were perfect words to describe this teacher during this time. Initially, fear held me from making my decision to sell my home and go abroad. Once I made my decision, it was a done deal. My ex-husband and I put the house for sale and I went in September 2007 to Granada, Spain for a semester. For the first time in years, I began to put myself first in my life.
Chapter 5: More Changes: Going Back to School
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell
My stay abroad would only last four months, but it was enough for me. I missed my family dearly and I wanted to see them. Although I was ecstatic about the changes in my life and my new experiences, I began to feel lost. I was living with my parents again and in many ways I felt like a little girl. My counselor said that moving in with my parents would be a great thing because I would get nurturance from them – something I needed at the time. Confused, I contemplated what I wanted for myself. The answer was to go back to school and to get another master’s degree in linguistics. By no means was it a walk a park in the park, but learning is one of my passions and this return to school was what I needed. My faith and my spirituality were growing. My life and my divorce was making more sense to me and I kept my faith and trust in God.
Part Three: Spiritual Healing
Chapter 6: Bumps in the Road
“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents, and I lay them both at His feet.” ~ Gandhi
There were some “problems” that I encountered as I began to awaken spiritually. I began to see the world in a completely different way and many incidents were happening that I could not explain. For example, I would be overcome with feelings of joy and peace: bliss, if you will. Peace took more presence in my life, but it wasn’t consistent. Change was now something that I welcomed more easily and speaking my truth was something I was learning to do. Finally, I was finding my own voice and I simply let it be. However, during this time, I also allowed myself to become stressed with school and, once again, I had to deal with not only depression, but a relapse of my mental illnesses: manic depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Aside from counseling, I began to see a psychiatrist and Seroquel, Lithium, and Zoloft entered my life and put me in numbed state as I began taking these drugs. Questioning Western medicine lead to believe that I could slowly rid myself on this dependence of drugs. Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote, “A bodily disease which we look upon as whole and entire within itself, may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part.” With all this medication, peace took a back seat in my life and I greatly missed it. Although I had no idea of what it was to heal spiritually, I made the conscious choice to heal spiritually anyways. At the end of this chapter, I discuss what I saw as problems as illusions and how they were merely spiritual lessons to be learnt on this path.
Chapter 7: Kindness and Compassion – A Semester with Adults
“Our main goal is to help others. If you cannot help them, then at least resist from hurting them.” ~Dalai Lama
After leaving the world of primary education, I taught adults for 7 months. Armed with courage and with some fear, I began teaching English as a Second Language (ESL) classes to adults at a non-profit organization in Northern California. This entire experience was very humbling for me as I learnt so much from them. Being the first time I taught adults and ESl, my students held my hand and little by little I learned how to teach them and to teach ESL. Words cannot express the gratitude that they had for receiving the English lessons and for their teacher. During this time, I began to be even kinder and to develop compassion for not only my students, but for myself, as well. This chapter ends with learning the true meaning of being one.
Chapter 8: Gratitude and Patience – The High School Year
“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” ~ St. Francis
Following the semester with adults, and armed with courage, I signed up to teach high school. In this chapter, I talk about the gratitude I now have for everything in my life as well as the patience. Also, I discuss the law of attraction and I apply to manifest both my job and my wonderful, new relationship. Throughout this school year, I had numerous questions such as why am I teaching high school? Then, it dawned on me one day. Physically and emotionally, it took a lot out of me. I was worrying yet again. It wasn’t until I learnt to let things go and let things be that I started to be myself again. I surrendered. More changes came as a result including a defining moment: my own epiphany. Around this time I read Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss. In it, he discusses, how we return in physical form to learn a spiritual lesson. In my humble opinion, I believe that in this lifetime I am meant to learn patience. My life events have yielded so many opportunities where I have had to be patient not only with others, but with myself, as well. This patience that I am learning has resulted in more peace for me, and those close to me. Patience also taught me to surrender and to simplify my life. I allowed what the Universe was blessing me with and I let my life events transpire. I let things be. Realizing this brought me great joy and happiness.
Chapter 9: A Happy Heart of My Own
“Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.” ~ Democritus
This chapter begins with being grateful for learning to be happy regardless of what was happening in my life. Staying in the present moment has brought me peace, and that peace in turn has brought me happiness. Learning to let go of material possessions (as this isn’t true happiness), as well as letting go of fears to follow my heart has also contributed to my happiness. Suppressing my ego was key to go in the direction of true happiness for myself. In his book, The Power of Intention, Dr. Dyer lists the 7 Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold of You and they are the following: 1. Stop being offended, 2. Let go of the need to win, 3. Let go of the need to be right, 4. Let go of the need to be superior, 5. Let go of the need to have more, 6. Let go of identifying on the basis of your achievements, and 7. Let go of your reputation. In this chapter, I list each one and I give specific examples as to how this manifested in my own life. Finally, I discuss the dependence society has on antidepressants to achieve a state of happiness. The end of this chapter concludes with a quote from Ernst Shurtleff Holmes’ book Creative Mind:
As it’s given me to perceive,
I most certainly believe
When a man’s glad plumb through,
God’s pleased with him same’s you.
Part Four: My Purpose in Life
Chapter 10: Coming Into My Own
“Our Creator would never have made such lovely days, and have given us the deep hearts to enjoy them, above and beyond all thought, unless we were meant to be immortal.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
This chapter begins with answering my question on the meaning of my life. Why am I here? My answer lied in looking within myself. Because each of us has the divine spark, we are spiritual beings in physical bodies. We are, therefore, immortal and perfect as we are. My soul searching resulted in my finding both my inner and outer purposes. Seeking my truth and my never ending questioning brought me great peace as I made that fateful reconnection with God. Also, I discuss the love I have for others and myself as the greatest gift that I have given to myself and to them. Finding my balance in my life through meditation, nurturance of my spirit, and living in the present moment contributed to my spiritual awakening, as well. The divorce made it all possible and, in retrospect, it really is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The culmination of this spiritual journey resulted in the everyday miracles and a love for life. This chapter ends with my favorite poem: The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
What’s the book about?
“What’s the book about?” Of course, this is the follow-up question that I get asked when I tell others that I am writing a book.
The book that I am writing is a memoir that I started back in May 2010. I went through a devastating divorce a few years ago that lead to the desire to heal emotionally. Inspired by the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, I pushed fear to the side and I did something similar to what she did. I sold my house, I quit my job, and I decided to go to Spain as a student in the fall of 2007. A much needed and well-deserved break was in order and I am very fortunate and grateful to have had this opportunity.
My life has been one continuous wave of change since then. Upon my return, I did not have a job and I substituted for a couple of years to make ends meet. Also, I decided to go back to school to get a Master’s in linguistics and a T.E.S.O.L. (Teaching English to Students of Other Languages) certificate because I had loved Spain so much that I wanted to go back and teach adults English. This plan didn’t come through as I had a change of heart when I finished school and decided to stay in L.A.. About a year and a half after completing school, I got the opportunity to teach ESL classes to adults in Northern California with a non-profit organization. A little afraid of this move, I pushed fear to the side again and I would be there 7 months. After this, I moved on to high school! It’s been interesting to say the least, but I am grateful to have had this opportunity. I don’t regret a single thing that I have done in my life and I would do it all over again. To say that I have learned a lot from my experiences is an understatement.
In the memoir, I write about these changes and many other events that have transformed me as a person. I’m currently writing a book proposal for a chance to win a $10,000 advance and to have my book published with Hay House Publishing.
This is the premise of the book:
Our life purpose is to develop our spiritual selves, which entails being happy and peaceful. The purpose of this book is to tell my story: a story that begins with a divorce and goes from emotional healing to spiritual healing. As a result, an imminent spiritual awakening and spiritual transformation was in order, and I began to create my life as I envisioned and desired it with every day miracles.
The memoir has ten chapters and these are the titles of the chapters:
Chapter 1: In the beginning…
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” ~Jane Austen
Chapter 2: Emotional Detachment
“Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” ~Winston Churchill
Chapter 3: On my own again… The Separation
“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Chapter 4: Nurturing my Spirit ~ A Well Deserved Break
“Fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” ~Dale Carnegie
Chapter 5: More Changes: Going Back to School – August 2009
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell
Chapter 6: Back home and the ‘Bumps’ in the Road
“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents, and I lay them both at His feet.” ~ Gandhi
Chapter 7: A Happy Heart of My Own
“Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.” ~ Democritus
Chapter 8: A Semester with Adults with Sprinkles of Kindness and Compassion
“Our main goal is to help others. If you cannot help them, then at least resist from hurting them.” ~Dalai Lama
Chapter 9: And a Dash of Gratitude and Patience – The High School Year
“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” ~ St. Francis
Chapter 10: Coming Into my Own
“Our Creator would never have made such lovely days, and have given us the deep hearts to enjoy them, above and beyond all thought, unless we were meant to be immortal.”
Have you ever thought about writing a book? What is your book about? What are your ideas? Everyone has a story. What is yours?
Elizabeth Cardenas. Writer 