I’m with the Band – Estoy con los Músicos

I’m with the Band

Last night, I went out with my boyfriend to see a friend of ours play with his band. As we were driving home with him, we began to talk about things we each loved like music, writing, fishing, and golfing. We talked about the music business and making it in music.

I  told him that I was once married to a musician, but we divorced. We briefly chatted on all the difficulties and adversities that comes from being with someone in a band for the musician and the family too. After dropping him off, I couldn’t help but to start thinking again about my life as a musician’s wife. As a musician’s spouse, there are sacrifices in your home and relationship. He had many practices and gigs, and I wasn’t able to go to all of them. Often times, I’d stay home alone. And many of those times, I longed to be with him, but for many reasons, I couldn’t accompany him. The times I did stay, I sometimes would go to my mom’s house, but I shunned my friends altogether. Looking back, this was the perfect opportunity to have spent time with them.

There were some times when I was able to go with him and I’d love seeing him play! The gigs were so much fun! And, of course, I’d get to go backstage with them and tell the security guards, “I’m with the band.”

Source: www.audioinkradio.com
Source: http://www.audioinkradio.com

Luckily, for us, our financial situation was good. As a struggling musician’s wife, this could have been another obstacle in our marriage, but it wasn’t.

And believe it or not, girls were not a problem either. People often would ask me, “Aren’t you jealous of the groupies and all his girls fans?” I almost always responded, “No.” I trusted him. My marriage did not end as a result of infidelity.

 In the end,  like with everything else, it was all about balancing everything. One that required a lot of communication, and above all, love. 

Are you a musician or an artist’s spouse? Are you with someone pursuing his/her passion?

Estoy con los Músicos

Anoche salí con mi novio par aver un amigo tocar con su banda. Mientras manejabamos a la casa, hablamos de todo lo que nos encanta como la música, la escritura, la pesca y el golf. Hablamos de lo que es la industria de la música  y lo difícil de ser exitoso en la música.

Le dije que estuve casada con un músico, pero nos divorciamos. También hablamos de las dificultades que vienen con estar con un músico y para su familia. Después de dejarlo en su casa, empecé a pensar otra vez de mi vida como esposa de un músico. El tenía muchos ensayos y tocadas y no podía ir todo el tiempo. A veces, me quedaba en la casa sola. Y muchas de esas veces anhelaba estar con él, pero por diferente razones no podía acompañarlo. A veces iba a la casa de mi mamá cuando me quedaba y casi dejé de hablar con mis amigos. Esta era la oportunidad perfecta para pasar tiempo con ellos.

Hubo algunas veces donde tuve la oportunidad de ir con él y verlo tocar. ¡Cómo me encantaba! ¡Me divertía mucho en las tocadas! Y, por supuesto, me gustaba ir detrás del escenario y decirle a seguridad. “Estoy con los músicos.”

Source: www.audioinkradio.com
Source: http://www.audioinkradio.com

Afortunadamente, nuestra situación económica estaba bien. Como la esposa de un artista en ciernes, esto podría haber sido un obstáculo en nuestro matrimonio, pero no lo fue.

Y créanlo o no, las chicas no eran un problema tampoco. La gente siempre me preguntaba, “No estás celosa de las groupies y de todas las muchachas que son fanáticas de ellos?” Casi siempre les contestaba, “No.” Yo confiaba en él.  Mi matrimonio no terminó por infedelidad.

Al final, era una cuestión de balancear todo. Aprendí que nuestra relación requería comunicación y, sobretodo, amor.

¿Estás con alguien que está dedicado a su pasión? ¿Cómo balanceas todo?

One Baby Step At A Time – Un Pasito A La Vez

One Baby Step At A Time “Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could write a book.”  This was me about three years ago. That is the time I started writing my memoir. Was it a dream? Yes. It still is.  As I  have said before, being a published writer and speaker is a dream of mine. What I have learned about pursuing your dreams is to be patient and take baby steps.
Source: www.mindbodygreen.com
Source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com
As I approach the last few months of the completion of the book, I am reminded of where I began and all that I have done to manifest this in my life. It was May 2010 when I found myself  at the library at Long Beach State, and I started to write this book. I should have been studying for my comps exam, but my intuition told me to write, and  I did. As I wrote the first three pages of the book, I jumped to the end of the book. And just like that I’d written the end of my memoir. As with anything I have done, it all started with taking baby steps towards my goal. In one of the last posts, Nature, Life, and Writing – What Do They Have In Common?, I talk about patience. What are the baby steps have I taken towards my dream? 1.  Believe in yourself.  Not only must you believe in your dream, but in yourself as well. 2. Start today. The time to begin is now. 3.  Do it every day. Whether it be to write, or to practice the piano every day, or to lose weight. You’d be amazed at how much you can accomplish by doing a little every day. 3. Build a platform. If your dream requires that you get noticed,  start a blog, get a Facebook page, Twitter, etc. A great book on this is Michael Hyatt’s Platform: Get Noticed In A Noisy World. 4. Be grateful. Take time out from your day to be grateful for all that you have accomplished and with those that have helped you. 5. Be patient.  And above all,  be patient with yourself and with your passion. Finally, whether you want to be a published writer or you are wanting to lose weight, it is all within your reach! What are your dreams? What baby steps have you taken to accomplish your goals in life? Un Pasito A La Vez “Jamas pensé que podría escribir un libro.” Esto fue algo que dije hace tres años. Fue cuando empecé a escribir mi memoria. Era un sueño? Si, y todavía lo es. Como he dicho muchas veces, ser una escritora publicada y oradora es un sueño mio. Lo que he aprendido de hacer un sueño realidad es de ser paciente y tomar pasitos.
Source: www.mindbodygreen.com
Source: http://www.mindbodygreen.com
*Pasos de bebé para nuestros grandes sueños En estos últimos meses que me faltan por terminar mi libro, me acuerdo donde empecé y todo lo que he hecho para manifestar esto en mi vida. Un día de mayo 2010, estaba yo en la biblioteca de la Universad de Long Beach y fue allí donde empecé a escribir mi libro. Debería haber estado estudiando para mis exámenes, pero algo dentro de mi me dijo que empezará el libro y lo empecé. Tenía como unas tres páginas escritas y de repente me salté hasta el final del libro. Y así fue como escribí el final de mi memoria. Con todo lo que he hecho, he empezado con tomar pasitos hacia mi meta. En una de mis últimas entradas, La Naturaleza, La Vida y La Escritura – ¿Qué Tienen En Común?, hablo sobre la paciencia. ¿Y qué pasitos he tomada yo para hacer mis sueños realidad? 1. Cree en ti mismo. No solamente tienes que creer en tu sueño, sino en ti también. 2. Empieza hoy. El tiempo para empezar es ahora.  Hazlo todos los días. Te sorprenderás de lo mucho que puedes lograr con solo hacer aquello un poco todos los días. 3. Haz una plataforma virtual. Si tu sueño requiere a darte a conocer, puedes empezar con un blog, y después  una página de Facebook, Twitter, etc. Un  libro que me ayudó mucho con este tema es el de Michael Hyatt – Plataforma: Hazte oír en un mundo ruidoso. 4. Ser agradecido. Tomo tiempo de tu día para estar agradecido con todo lo que has logrado y con las personas que te han ayudado. 5. Ser Paciente. Sobretodo, se paciente contigo mismo y con tu pasión. Por último, si quieres ser un escritor publicado o estás interesado en perder peso. ¡Tu meta está a tu alcance! ¿Cuales son tus sueños? ¿Qué pasitos has tomado para lograr tus metas?

Nature, Life, and Writing – What Do They Have In Common? La Naturaleza, La Vida y La Escritura – ¿Qué Tienen En Común?

One of my favorite things to do is to go out and just be in nature! Luckily for me, Northern California is filled with beautiful parks and vast, open spaces as far as the eye can see. I get to take walks in these verdant parks with creeks running right through the middle!

I first became enthralled with this beauty around me as a student at Long Beach State. I’d eat lunch right outside the library (in the quad area) and I loved just being out there and taking in the trees, plants, and flowers. From time to time, I’d treat myself to a trip to the Japanese Gardens- a simply peaceful experience.

Japanese Gardens  - Long Beach State

The Japanese Gardens at Long Beach State

When I lived in Los Angeles, one of my favorite things to do was to go to a park by my parent’s house and run. After my run, I’d lay down as I cooled off and looked up at the sky and the trees. Time and time again, I was reminded of the amazing patience and intention of nature. A peaceful energy is what I felt in that moment.

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I begin begin my bilingual blog and to write more, I am reminded of that same patience. In my Chapter by Chapter Synopsis post , I refer to this patience in Chapter 8: Gratitude and Patience – The High School Year. I briefly discuss patience as a spiritual lesson that I feel I am meant to learn in this lifetime. Countless experiences have lent themselves to the opportunity to be patient: from being patient with my students to being patient with my own healing. In writing and in life, I have learned to be patient with myself.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” ~ St. Francis

If you’re not being patient with yourself and/or your writing, try it. You’ll discover that letting things take their natural course (as nature does) will bring you miracles in your daily life.

What are your experiences with patience? Are you patient when it comes to your own writing? Are you patient with yourself?

La Naturaleza, La Vida y La Escritura – ¿Qué Tienen En Común?

Unas de mis cosas favoritas de hacer es estar afuera en la naturaleza. Afortunadamente, el norte de California está lleno de hermosos parques y espacios abiertos extensos  hasta donde llega la vista. !Tengo la oportunidad de pasear por estos  parques verdes con arroyos corriendo por el centro!

La primera vez que me cautivó esta belleza que me rodeaba fue cuando era estudiante en la Universad Estatal de Long Beach. Me gustaba almorzar afuera de la bibliotica (en la area del campo) y me encantaba ver los árboles, plantas y flores. De vez en cuando, me daba el gusto e iba a los Jardines Japonenses-una experiencia simplemente tranquila.

Japanese Gardens  - Long Beach State

Los Jardines Japoneses en la Universidad Estatal de Long Beach

Cuando vivía en Los Ángeles, me gustaba ir a un parque cerca de la casa de mis padres para correr. Después de correr, me acostaba y miraba el cielo y los árboles. Una y otra vez, me recordaba de la paciencia asombrosa y la intención de la naturaleza. Una energía llena de paz es lo que sentía en ese momento.

“Adopte el ritmo de la naturaleza; su secreto es la paciencia.” ~ ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Con este blog bilingüe y con mi escritura, me acuerdo de esa misma paciencia. En una entrada de este blog – (Chapter by Chapter Synopsis) 0  Los Resúmenes de los Capítulos (Capítulo 8 – Agradecimiento y Paciencia – Un Año en la Preparatoria) de mi libro (memoria) hablo acerca de la paciencia como una leccíon espiritual que siento que estoy destinada a aprender en esta vida. Un sin número de experiencias y oportunidades se me han dado para practicar la paciencia: de ser paciente con mis alumnos a ser paciente con mi propia sanación. En la escritura y en mi vida, he aprendido de ser paciente conmigo misma.

“Ten paciencia con todas las cosas, pero sobre todo contigo mismo.” ~San Francisco de Sales

Si no tienes paciencia contigo mismo y/o tu escritura, inténtalo. Te darás cuenta que al dejar que las cosas sigan su curso natural (como lo hace la naturaleza) te traerá milagros en tu vida cotidiana.

¿Qué han sido tus experiencias con la paciencia? ¿Eres paciente con tu escritura? ¿Eres paciente contigo mismo?

Keepin’ It Real

In one week, I came upon these two different quotes:

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”~ Oscar Wilde

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

And then came a post, Yourself, by John Saddington on this topic. http://tentblogger.com/yourself/

As if this wasn’t enough, I was watching my favorite comedian, Dave Chappelle, on Inside The Actor’s Studio http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84NjYRTHpfU His brutal honesty inspired me as he talked about walking away from a 50 million dollar contract for another season of the Dave Chappelle Show because he wasn’t being his true self anymore.

The Universe was telling ME something and I HEARD it and LOUD and CLEAR!!

For a week I thought and thought about this. Have I been my true self lately? When I write, am I my true self? If I’d sit with you or anyone, then I’d have to say yes. But when I blog, I wasn’t being true to myself.

Come to find out, I wasn’t “keepin’ it real” in my blog and this is why-

1. FEAR.

Why did this not surprise me? The world of blogging is still fairly new to me as I began just 4 months ago. I certainly have feared what readers would say about it all – my writing, my dream- to the degree that I took no action for a very long time.

Source: Tumblr.com
Source: Tumblr.com

In an ideal world, everyone would love your writing.

But this is not always the case. As writers and bloggers, we open ourselves up to the criticism and praise, and this makes us vulnerable. However, I keep in mind and return to my initial intentions of helping others through my writing and pursuing my dream of becoming a published author and speaker.

2. Show and Presentation

Again, as a new blogger, I focused a little too much on the actual presentation of the blog. By doing this, my writing suffered as I was no longer writing from my heart. In his post, Yourself, John Saddington says, “To live freely and to give freely of oneself through such a medium as one’s blog is deeply personal – I believe we do ourselves and our audience a disservice by holding back because it, ergo, becomes no longer personal – it becomes simply presentation, and on a bad day just bullshit peacocking.” From http://tentblogger.com/yourself/#more-40074 True, right? Will this blog’s content change? No. The only thing that will change is that I’ll be writing from my heart.

Why “Keepin’ It Real?”

When I initially came up with this title, I literally laughed out loud. The truth is that it has to do with my background and where I am from. I am Mexican-American and I grew up in Lynwood, California. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this city or it’s location, it’s in Southern California, and its neighbouring city is Compton – a city I lived in for the first six years of my life. You may call this the ghetto, but I called it home and I love it! We kept it real there.

For the most part, I think I am a simple girl.

My students would disagree. They joke with me and they’ll say that Ms. C (as they affectionately call me) is “gangsta” and “a thug.” I laugh of course because I’m so far from this. Being from where I am is a part of me though. I am who I am. Do I go around snapping my fingers in a Z formation? No, but I’ll do it on occasions. And yes, I’m down with rap and hip hop. I jokingly tell others that it would be a sin for me to not like this music given where I am from. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And now, for an exciting announcement…

Never have I been more enthusiastic or have had more energy to create than at this time. Being that I am bilingual (Spanish and English) and that this is a big part of culture and who I am, I have decided to keep it even more real by doing my blog posts in Spanish and English- a bilingual blog. More work? Yes. But I can only see the advantages from where I stand.

Thank you for reading my posts.

How are you keepin’ it real? Are you writing from your heart?

A Return to Love – Healing After a Divorce

“I don’t know what it means to heal emotionally, but I am doing it.” This is a promise I made to myself. I would mend my broken heart. A second promise came right after. I would also not date while I was going through my divorce ordeal. And this why…

Divorce Statistics

When I was in a divorce support group, my counselor had told us (the members) that about 50% of first marriages end in divorce in the U.S. That percentage goes to about 68% in second marriages and it jumps to about 75% if you remarry for the third time. This got me thinking. Why is this happening?

One Possible Answer

The Beatles said it perfectly with their song, All You Need Is Love. While a divorce is an emotional death and the main circumstance surrounded it is the loss of love, then it follows that to become well we need to return to love.

Healing is a return to love.

I believe that the divorce statistics are on the higher end because people do not take the time to heal, and others find it quite difficult to forgive their partners. This was the most important step for me to begin to heal. The old adage is true- “a divorce can be messy”. Emotions are running high and thoughts of revenge cross your mind. I would know. It happened to me. Given these circumstances, it is perhaps why divorcees find comfort in the arms of another person (as I did before I was married) and this may also happen for various reasons.

Is this true healing?

Perhaps, for some it may be. For me, it was essential to “work” on myself. Who was Liz? I had lost myself in my marriage and I needed to reestablish my identity as a newly single person, and more importantly, to find myself.

At the very least, your world is turned upside down and what you once knew as “life” is no longer there.

From waking up with your husband every morning, to the morning goodbye kiss, to talking and texting throughout the day, to going to your favorite sushi restaurant, to the good night kiss. Therefore,a new relationship right after a separation could perhaps not be the best solution. In one of my counseling sessions, my counselor made it very clear to me. “Dating right after separation and into the divorce is like putting a band-aid on a very large physical wound,” she said.” “It just won’t do.”

Band-Aid Heart-1
credit: Abqjournalsage.com

In Confusion, You Find Clarity

I never understood the statement “In confusion, you find clarity.” That is, until the other day. In the midst of confusion, I felt empty and hopeless. All I could do was pray and ask God for help and guidance in my life.

Needless to say, I was a hot mess as a good friend of mine says.

Doing the emotional work and reflecting on this matter brought clarity into my life. As I look back, I began to understand why all this was happening to me and I was beginning to feel better.

The Last Word on Healing…

I liken the healing experience to the pruning of rose bushes. Just like we need to be “stripped” emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to get to healing, rosebushes need to be pruned for reasons like to maintain their shape and to give us new blooms. In a mysterious way, rosebushes heal too.

And remember, if you can heal physically, then you can heal emotionally too.

What are your experiences with healing? Have you healed from a divorce?